In my personal reflections you may begin to piece together a theme. I will go ahead and reveal the theme; anxiety. I leave it up to you to confirm this theme. I am anxious to enter seminary and begin formation. I am anxious to go out into the diocese and shepherd souls (under the diocese's Shepherd the Bishop of course). I am anxious to get my life moving, yet I find myself stuck in this waiting period.
You may have read the introductory paragraph and thought, "He is quite awake." And if you have interacted with me in person, you may have thought, "He is filled with energy." Those two observances are correct; I am very energetic and excitable. However, I am talking about what is deep within every person; the soul. How we are in front of others may be completely different than what our soul is actually feeling. 2015 turned out to be very difficult for me after the Bishop said I am to wait until my military obligation is complete. Initially I said I was at peace with it, but this peace was manufactured by me so it wouldn't last long. It didn't. I entered a place close to depression. I simply sulked spiritually and my soul almost fell asleep.
As I was reading "Jesus of Nazareth: Holy Week" by Pope Benedict XVI, I came across a condition of the soul that absolutely struck me. He discusses how the drowsiness of the disciples opens up possibilities for Satan (p. 153). What he says next is, what I believe to be, a nice affirmation of what I believe to be true about sin and righteousness. Of course Pope Benedict articulates it much more beautifully than I, "Such drowsiness deadens the soul, so that it remains undisturbed by the power of the Evil One at work in the world and by all the injustices and suffering ravaging the earth." (ibid). Sin and righteousness are opposing forces, always. The Church has discussed this in a more detailed format using vices and virtues, which are essentially a break down of the battle between the two.
Pope Benedict goes on to say, "In its state of numbness [when sin is beating righteousness], the soul prefers not to see all this [truly see evil for what it is]; it is easily persuaded that things cannot be so bad, so as to continue in the self-satisfaction of its own comfortable existence." (ibid, injects added). This is a profound reflection on the state of a drowsy soul! When we are spiritually tired, we become complacent. We turn inward and then seek to satisfy what we believe we need, which at this point is disordered (disordered, because God calls us to turn outward toward creation). When we turn inward, we go down a very slippery slope. It is as if we walk on ice. We have control at first, but we can begin to become too comfortable with our ability to walk on ice that we eventually slip and fall. Down we go!
I think it can be said of the rise of the secular society that it has slipped and is now sliding down the slope. At first society wrestled with the New Age thoughts and ideas, but it eventually became tired of seeing the evil in the world, and began turning inward. When turning inward, it embraced self satisfaction at all costs. We can now look at society and firmly say its motto is "It's all about me". We see this in business, marriage, relationships with peers, education, politics, etc. What is ironic is that society tells itself that all of this is for the greater good of society. I think we need not continue discussing the state of society in this article, but I do believe it is good to note when performing a self reflection of our soul.
After almost a year of struggle, I find myself beginning to accept where God wants me. God's peace is beginning to fill me versus me attempting to build peace. He has filled my life with people seeking closeness with the Lord. One of my faithful Catholic friends has challenged me to make 2016 not a year of mediocrity. So far 2016 has been an amazing year and I look forward to making the rest of it. The high point of the year will certainly be my trip to Europe where I will visit family in Nuremberg, Germany, go on a short pilgrimage to Rome, and see a friend in London. I am considering adding a trip to visit the Dachau Concentration Camp to get face to face with the evil that plagues the world. I am truly blessed to have the opportunity to make this journey.
Do not let mediocrity grip your soul! You risk putting your soul to sleep. As Pope Benedict showed us, a drowsy soul is one that permits evil to take hold more and more. I believe the first step in fighting mediocrity sounds overly simple, but it is effective; prayer. Prayer is the foundation of a healthy spiritual life. I will discuss the beauty of prayer and my struggles to build a solid foundation of prayer in a future article. Pax.
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Sources:
1. Pope Benedict XVI Jesus of Nazareth: Part Two: Holy Week From the Entrance into Jerusalem to the Resurrection. San Fransisco: Ignatius Press, 2011.
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