Much of a person discerning a particular vocation is geared toward finding God. This is certainly good, because to realize God's Will requires a relationship with God. This is common for me as well. However, I often lose myself when looking for God. Sure, gaining God and losing oneself is biblical (Matthew 16:25), but when does looking for God turn into building God? When does discerning God's Will become building God's Will? In recent months I have answered this question.
Over the past few months a great amount of healing took place. I finally reached the freedom to choose or the equilibrium required to make the best decision regarding the clarity from God through discernment. I finally opened the door to my heart after leaving it sealed off for years. This was all thanks to God's goodness, a great group of friends, a persistent youth minister, and an amazing vocation director. In discussion with our vocation director, I was referred to an amazing book titled "Living Celibacy" by Gerdenio Sonny Manuel, SJ. It discussed celibacy from a psychological perspective, which was very helpful. It turned out to be my next "Apostolicam moment".
My last Apostolicam moment came in 2012 when I was at a Latin Mass with my Lutheran seminary class, which moved me to return to the Church. This time I was moved to open the door to my heart. When I opened this door I addressed what was within it through prayer, therapy, and great conversations with friends and priests. When I reached equilibrium I could no longer deny what I was doing for the past several years; I was not receiving my vocation, I was building one. I was constructing my tower of Babel and it was time for it to come crashing down.
For a few weeks following this I discerned where my mind AND heart were being led. I can say with confidence they are being led, not forced, away from the priesthood and toward marriage. This may come as a shock to many of you because of my stubborn stance regarding where I wanted to go despite what it would do to me. Going back to Matthew 16:25, I was seeking to make my life and ignore Christ's call. I was losing myself to my tower of Babel. I was attempting to construct the Will of God. When I opened the door to my heart, the Holy Spirit was so clear and this clarity requires action.
Since rediscovering all of myself, my life has improved. My prayer is more fruitful and my relationship with God is stronger. I am filled with true joy once again and my friends and colleagues have noticed. Even people that didn't know my much of my discernment recognized a refreshment since making this decision to discern marriage. This joy is from God and it is beautiful beyond words. I have a hard time putting this refreshment into words.
Thank you all for your many years of prayers and support. Thank you for your patience and love it means a lot to me. I apologize for any pain I caused due to my blindness. God is good! God will provide! I am overjoyed by God's goodness. To Him belongs all praise and glory. Now that I have allowed my heart to have a say, I can move forward glorifying God better than before! I am excited for what the future holds! Thank you again and God bless you all!
Pax,
Johannes
Deus invictus! Deus providebit!
Showing posts with label deliverance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deliverance. Show all posts
12 March 2018
StCYM: Death Row Story (11 MAR 18)
Last night we were honored to welcome Joe D'Ambrosio and our Pastor, Fr. Neil, to Sunday Night Session. It was a night focused on the incredible story of a death row inmate (Joe) fighting to be exonerated. To begin the night, we of course feasted on delicious mozzarella sticks and chicken nuggets. Once we were about done getting our fill, we watched the episode of CNN's Death Row Stories that told Joe's story.
As a man who cares for justice and has a degree in criminal justice, this episode was hard to watch without getting upset. The lies by the investigators, the inconsistent affidavits, the lack of proper investigation, the inconsistent medical evidence, the lack of evidence, etc, all made for a terrible case. I am amazed that a capital murder trial could be so tainted. I am also amazed at Joe's resilience throughout the ordeal. I question if I would have fought so hard for so long (22 years) or if I would have given up after a mere few years and accepted my fate (death). I hope my inclination would be to keep fighting.
What Fr. Neil did was incredible. He visited the imprisoned as Christ teaches us to do, but he went even further, he fought for justice. It was a long battle, that with the courageous actions of witnesses and judges, turned out in favor of Joe. What captivated me the most about Joe coming out of death row was his embrace of silence. He briefly discussed the noise of prison life and how there was no peace for 24 hours a day so, he would simply sit in darkness and silence or go outside and simply stare at the stars.
I think this is a fitting story during Lent when we wander into the desert to look inside ourselves and realize God's goodness. Joe prayed for 22 years for God to deliver him and He did. Many of us would say, "Wow, it took God 22 years to answer Joe's prayer; the prayer of an innocent man!" However, as Joe reminded us, God doesn't work on our time. We are not privy to the wisdom and knowledge of God. We often believe God is hurting us or abandoning us. That is a lie! Reject this lie immediately when you hear it! It is also important to note that Joe has forgiven those that did him wrong and that wanted him dead! This is profound! How hard is it for us to forgive those who merely offend us, yet this man who was sentenced to die can forgive those that sent him to death row. This is very Christ-like and something we should emulate.
As we move forward toward the Victory of Christ, I challenge us to recognize the noise and make time to simply be in silence and appreciate life itself. Let us praise God for simply being. I know I certainly need to embrace silence, because there is profound power in it. It often amazes me that when we have less, we actually have more. The less we have, the more God can occupy. And what God occupies is certainly good.
Pax,
Johannes
Deus Providebit!
As a man who cares for justice and has a degree in criminal justice, this episode was hard to watch without getting upset. The lies by the investigators, the inconsistent affidavits, the lack of proper investigation, the inconsistent medical evidence, the lack of evidence, etc, all made for a terrible case. I am amazed that a capital murder trial could be so tainted. I am also amazed at Joe's resilience throughout the ordeal. I question if I would have fought so hard for so long (22 years) or if I would have given up after a mere few years and accepted my fate (death). I hope my inclination would be to keep fighting.
What Fr. Neil did was incredible. He visited the imprisoned as Christ teaches us to do, but he went even further, he fought for justice. It was a long battle, that with the courageous actions of witnesses and judges, turned out in favor of Joe. What captivated me the most about Joe coming out of death row was his embrace of silence. He briefly discussed the noise of prison life and how there was no peace for 24 hours a day so, he would simply sit in darkness and silence or go outside and simply stare at the stars.
I think this is a fitting story during Lent when we wander into the desert to look inside ourselves and realize God's goodness. Joe prayed for 22 years for God to deliver him and He did. Many of us would say, "Wow, it took God 22 years to answer Joe's prayer; the prayer of an innocent man!" However, as Joe reminded us, God doesn't work on our time. We are not privy to the wisdom and knowledge of God. We often believe God is hurting us or abandoning us. That is a lie! Reject this lie immediately when you hear it! It is also important to note that Joe has forgiven those that did him wrong and that wanted him dead! This is profound! How hard is it for us to forgive those who merely offend us, yet this man who was sentenced to die can forgive those that sent him to death row. This is very Christ-like and something we should emulate.
As we move forward toward the Victory of Christ, I challenge us to recognize the noise and make time to simply be in silence and appreciate life itself. Let us praise God for simply being. I know I certainly need to embrace silence, because there is profound power in it. It often amazes me that when we have less, we actually have more. The less we have, the more God can occupy. And what God occupies is certainly good.
Pax,
Johannes
Deus Providebit!
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