StCYM: Moving Forward! III (6 MAY 18)

We concluded our series "Moving Forward!" with a discussion on responsibilities regarding various decisions that need to be made in high school. These discussions addressed key aspects of decision making that are important to include. We also had time to play games (as promised) and write letters to the eighth graders. We concluded with a word storm prayer regarding decision making.

When discussing responsibilities we identified a preparation process before taking the big leap. For example, when applying to a college it is important to do the things necessary to make the application stand out. Simply applying will make it difficult to gain acceptance. A student needs to be involved in high school to make their application mean something. This involvement includes getting good grades and being involved in various clubs.

We also discussed our responsibilities regarding the Faith. We are responsible for following the Church's teachings. Participating in the Sacraments and serving others are major responsibilities that will impact our disposition and can positively influence our decision making process. When making a major decision it is important to go to Mass regularly and pray fervently. Doing this will not only create a stable structure, which creates peace, but it will also get God involved in our lives. God wants us to involve Him verything we do.

Moving forward (see what I did there?), we will learn about Mary the Mother of God, enjoy the weather, invite the 8th graders for another open house, and conclude the spring semester with a cookout. I look forward to what summer has in store and what the Holy Spirit will do in this ministry.

Discerning the Will of God: Discovering Yourself

Much of a person discerning a particular vocation is geared toward finding God. This is certainly good, because to realize God's Will requires a relationship with God. This is common for me as well. However, I often lose myself when looking for God. Sure, gaining God and losing oneself is biblical (Matthew 16:25), but when does looking for God turn into building God? When does discerning God's Will become building God's Will? In recent months I have answered this question.

Over the past few months a great amount of healing took place. I finally reached the freedom to choose or the equilibrium required to make the best decision regarding the clarity from God through discernment. I finally opened the door to my heart after leaving it sealed off for years. This was all thanks to God's goodness, a great group of friends, a persistent youth minister, and an amazing vocation director. In discussion with our vocation director, I was referred to an amazing book titled "Living Celibacy" by Gerdenio Sonny Manuel, SJ. It discussed celibacy from a psychological perspective, which was very helpful. It turned out to be my next "Apostolicam moment".

My last Apostolicam moment came in 2012 when I was at a Latin Mass with my Lutheran seminary class, which moved me to return to the Church. This time I was moved to open the door to my heart. When I opened this door I addressed what was within it through prayer, therapy, and great conversations with friends and priests. When I reached equilibrium I could no longer deny what I was doing for the past several years; I was not receiving my vocation, I was building one. I was constructing my tower of Babel and it was time for it to come crashing down.

For a few weeks following this I discerned where my mind AND heart were being led. I can say with confidence they are being led, not forced, away from the priesthood and toward marriage. This may come as a shock to many of you because of my stubborn stance regarding where I wanted to go despite what it would do to me. Going back to Matthew 16:25, I was seeking to make my life and ignore Christ's call. I was losing myself to my tower of Babel. I was attempting to construct the Will of God. When I opened the door to my heart, the Holy Spirit was so clear and this clarity requires action.

Since rediscovering all of myself, my life has improved. My prayer is more fruitful and my relationship with God is stronger. I am filled with true joy once again and my friends and colleagues have noticed. Even people that didn't know my much of my discernment recognized a refreshment since making this decision to discern marriage. This joy is from God and it is beautiful beyond words. I have a hard time putting this refreshment into words.

Thank you all for your many years of prayers and support. Thank you for your patience and love it means a lot to me. I apologize for any pain I caused due to my blindness. God is good! God will provide! I am overjoyed by God's goodness. To Him belongs all praise and glory. Now that I have allowed my heart to have a say, I can move forward glorifying God better than before! I am excited for what the future holds! Thank you again and God bless you all!

Pax,

Johannes


Deus invictus! Deus providebit!

StCYM: Moving Forward! II (29 APR 18)

This week we met, once again, to continue our series called "Moving Forward!". And, once again, we had no time for games because of the good discussions we were having. Next week, I promise, we will have time for games. I love how the discussions are going! I can see the underclassmen really opening up to the upperclassmen and a bond is growing and discipleship is beginning to exist. This is a beautiful direction that I envisioned the group going in. God is certainly good!

Before we entered into the discussions we played a decision making game called "bomb shelter". In this game the group is in a post-nuclear scenario where they are in a bunker with two years of supplies until the radiation goes away. However, the shelter can only sustain a certain number of individuals. The group had to decide who had to go. The purpose of this exercise is to analyze how decisions are made. The goal was to identify those methods and question their moral rigidity. We learned that most decisions were made due to stereotypes. 

Last week we discussed our disposition before making big decisions. This week we looked at how to go about making decisions. We asked ourselves three questions when facing a big decision; "what does my heart say?", "what does my mind say?", and "what does God say through His Church?". In the small groups we then discussed how fears and peer pressure can impact our decision making abilities. Among the major decisions were dating, post high school endeavors, and friendships. We also discussed how Church teaching should influence our decisions and how it can challenge us when society teaches differently.

Next week we will discuss taking action, since clarity requires that we do. We will go into how to move forward after big decisions are made and what the consequences are. We will also prepare for the 8th graders that are returning on 20 May for their second open house visit to StCYM. It will be a great time. And, yes, we will have time for games!

Pax,

Johannes

StCYM: Moving Forward! I (22 APR 18)

This week we started our next series I've titled "Moving Forward!". During this series we will discover how we move forward following the soul training we received during Lent. We will focus on discerning major life decisions that currently apply to our lives (what to do after college, what extracurriculars to be a part of, which relationships to maintain or end, etc.). Discernment is not just for a particular vocation, it is something we ought to do for every major life decision.

We began this week by looking at our disposition. Throughout this series we will use Ignatian rules for discernment. To begin a proper discernment, the key is to have the proper disposition. To have the proper disposition we need to recognize what our current state in life is. We discussed questions such as "How is my spiritual, emotional, mental health?", "What are things that hold me back?", "How is my prayer life?", "Does God seem close or distant?", "Am I in any toxic relationships/friendships?", "How is my relationship with the Church?" and others. The discussions were good and lasted the entire evening. We didn't even have time for games!

The teens mentioned how relevant these discussions are in their lives at the moment. They have big decisions to make that require good discernment. This is why providing the tools to discern properly is very important to teens at this stage in their lives. What teens do now can have an impact on what they do 10 years from now or maybe more. Including God and others in our decision making process in a healthy way will produce the good fruit we are all called to produce. Next week we will continue this discussion by discussing how to move forward once we have the proper disposition. Please pray for the teens as they are making their major decisions.

Pax,

Johannes

Discernment and Weddings

     Weddings are beautiful. Most people I speak to enjoy going to weddings and witnessing a couple full of love enter into the Sacrament of Marriage. However, weddings can also be a source of confusion to a man discerning his vocation. From the question of bringing a date to ultimately questioning his vocation, a wedding can be the source of inner turmoil if a man is not grounded.
   
     Let's dive into the first question. Should a man discerning the priesthood bring a date to a wedding? To answer this question we have to establish some basic ground rules. First, to discern properly one has to be free to discern. Dating can infringe on discernment, especially later on when seminary is looking more like a realistic step toward the priesthood. So, the answer to the question is, "it depends". Is the woman you are taking someone you could see things moving along with? Or is this simply a friend you wish the share the occasion with? If you are vulnerable to confusion, even simply taking a friend could infringe on your freedom to discern. This introduces the second rule; know thyself. A person discerning the priesthood will eventually realize that they to have built a great sense of self. This is very important, because discerning the priesthood involves seeking out God, and realizing God given gifts. Knowing yourself involves knowing what whether you are in a state of consolation or desolation (I will list resources below). If you are in a state of desolation and seem far away from God while discerning the priesthood, I would advise not bringing a date to a wedding you are attending. A spiritual director is a great person to help you answer these questions.
   
     Weddings are a good place to discern, because you are in a grace filled environment (the mass). Mass is a great place to discern. I like to utilize the sacraments (and sacramentals) to aid in my discernment. What I like to do at weddings is try to picture myself as one of the players in the ceremony. It is important to note that I do not attempt to force myself on a particular player. I ask God to open my heart and mind to enable myself to reflect on being either the groom or the priest. After the wedding and the reception are over I like to enter into a time of reflection. I ask the Holy Spirit to guide my reflections on who I was. Personally, I have established a pattern of being the priest who helps the couple enter into the Marriage Sacrament. I reflect on preparing the couple, engaging with them on the teachings regarding marriage, ultimately serving as the official witness of the Church, and of course presiding over the celebration of the Mass.

   
     Being Catholic in the world doesn't mean simply attending Mass and fellowship groups (which should be done!), it also involves using experiences to build ourselves spiritually. We can use many different experiences to build our relationship with God, His Church, and the word. In this case we can even use wedding ceremonies to help us discern a particular vocation. It is also important to take thoughts and feelings and dig deeper. Below you will find some resources that have helped me along the way. Pax.

Resources:
1. "Discerning the Will of God" by Fr. Timothy Gallagher, OMV
2. "The Discernment of Spirits" by Fr. Timothy Gallagher, OMV
3. "To Save a Thousand Souls" by Fr. Brett A. Brannen


   

My Call Story: From Apostolic to Crossing the Threshold

Before I go into the details of my return to the one, holy, catholic and apostolic church, I must describe my initial membership in Christ's Church. It starts with my baptism. I was baptized into Christ's Church on 9 December 1989 at Heiligste Dreifaltigkeit Kirche (Holiest Trinity Church) in Langwasser - Nuernberg, Germany. I firmly believe that my baptism not only ties me to God, but to Nuernberg. I have family there, so my heart is filled with Nuernberg. In Germany there is a healthy version of separation of church and state.  Unlike in the United States, religion courses are taught in public schools. Yes, that is no lie, religion is encouraged.

Heiligste Dreifaltigkeit Kirche

Looking back, it is interesting to note that while my mother (I will have to dedicate an entire post to her explaining more on her) had us (mom, sister, myself) going to a Lutheran Sunday school and church, I was getting religious instruction in the Catholic class at school. It is interesting, because I am curious as to that contributed into the return to the Church. I had a great respect for the Catholic Church until I became aware of the differences between Catholics and Lutherans. Once I discovered what the differences were, I slightly mocked the Church for its doctrines while still respected the Church. The respect for the Church remained, because my grandparents (mom's side) were, and my grandmother and husband (dad's side) are, devout Catholics.

The Benninghoff family's humble abode on the first floor. Subtract the satellite dish and add an Opel Kadett in the first parking spot, and you have it.

Now that I have explained my Catholic foundation, that was quickly overcome by Lutheranism as I became more involved in my church, it is time to discuss re-entry. As I mentioned in the previous post, I took Urban Ministry at Trinity Lutheran Seminary for my January Term. During this course we visited different churches and ministries with the goal of defining "urban". It was a Wednesday in January when we visited Holy Family Church in central Columbus, Ohio to attend the Latin Mass. I remember going in with great curiosity. I had never experienced the Extraordinary Form before, and knowing that this was the Form used in the early Catholic Church made it more interesting. I felt like I was going back in time.

I followed the Order of the Mass booklet they provided as best as I could. As I write this I remembered that the Presider was preaching about church unity. It was interesting a the time, because there was a good group of Lutheran and Episcopalian seminarians in the congregation. It is interesting now, because Church Unity Week concluded Sunday. The service was beautiful. The Latin was foreign, but felt close to home. After all, it was the history of the early Catholic Church celebrated! Although I could not understand the words by simply listening, I still felt fed in someway.

Now we stumble upon the word "apostolicam". I firmly believe the Holy Spirit shook me during the profession of this very word. Looking at Lutheran translations of the Nicene Creed, a lot of them now read, "one holy, one Christian, and apostolic church." I clearly remember saying "catholic" during my time at Parma Lutheran. I know that catholic means universal. I always understood that. What I did not understand, was how Lutherans interpret apostolic. How can there be so many ways to interpret apostolic? It seems pretty cut and dry to me now.

It was almost as if it was the Holy Spirit asking the question for me. Then again, it very well could have been. Regardless, the Spirit certainly influenced the question. I asked my professor, "What is the Lutheran interpretation of Apostolic?" His answer did not sit well in my soul. It was as if the Holy Spirit was shaking my soul, "There is more Johannes, there is more!" Luther was excommunicated, and thus the apostolic succession does not continue in the Lutheran church. The Lutheran church cannot proclaim a belief in apostolic succession, because they do not practice it. This realization was the start of a great journey of faith. Was I to leave everything and everyone that I loved at Seminary behind for a simple word? Was I to leave behind great fellowship for things even I declared as adiaphora (loosely translated, not required for salvation)? Was I to leave behind the church that raised me, that gave me so much faith and love? These were all large questions that I needed to answer honestly.

2012 was going to be an incredible year, "The Year of Finding Myself" as I titled it. I certainly found myself... needing to become Catholic. I was attending Trinity part-time, due to military training from July to October. It is amazing how that worked out; I was essentially going to complete my first year over two years. One of my first visits to St. Columbkille was on Good Friday. I remember kissing the crucifix and being filled, again, with the spirit leading me forward. I began to attend Mass with my would be confirmation sponsor, Angela. While spiritually great things were happening, emotionally I was torn.

I began to pray for peace, regarding a future decision. I was often upset at the reality before me. Come back to Christ's Church or stay with a church that does love the Lord, but is missing a lot. Parma Lutheran has some amazing people. I grew up with them; they were my second family. They supported my formation at seminary and countless times before. I was often reminded of the division that Christ discussed. This portion of the Gospel brought me the comfort and peace that I had been praying for. By July of 2012 I was almost certain that Catholicism was it.

Before I go on, I must state that I did not make a decision based merely on how I felt the Spirit moving me. I tested these feelings. I read books and articles. I discussed this with my pastor at Parma Lutheran and a priest at St. Columbkille. I also discussed the switch with friends, seminarians, and family. I was consumed by researching. Below I will provide the books I read, that led me back to Catholicism. It is never good to do something merely on emotion and feelings. Especially, a decision like this. This was a life decision. This decision will affect me for the rest of my living days and beyond.

From 15 July until 2 October I was at Fort Jackson, South Carolina for Basic Officer Leader Course (BOLC) training to be a human resource officer. I met absolutely amazing people, including a fellow Phi. I also met a strong Catholic man, Rich. I do not remember exactly how I discovered that he was Catholic, but once I did I suggested we go to Mass together. I discovered a beautiful Catholic parish not far from our hotel while driving around Columbia. St. Joseph Church (Diocese of Charleston) is a beautiful church, and one that would serve as our place of worship for two and a half months. The place was absolutely packed every Sunday at all masses! Ushers actually had to search for seats for people arriving last minute.

During BOLC we also went to Charleston twice, during which we went to Mass at the Cathedral. Seeing the Bishops cathedra (chair) was a great image for as I was debating between the true apostolic Church and the church that falsely claims belief in it. BOLC was certainly part of my journey. Rich and I continue to speak daily, and he provides great encouragement. I thank God for the people that have been place along my route, rather the people that seek to walk the route I do.

Cathedral of St. John the Baptist in Charleston, South Carolina.

Before quickly discussing 2013, I will briefly discuss my trip to Ireland, and then to Germany with my friend Erik. While in Ireland visiting fellow Ohio Lambda Phis Steven, David, and Kevin, I was able to visit St. Patrick's Cathedral with Steven and David. What a great place. The look was unique and I was amazed at how the Church is so very catholic. It transcends cultures and continents as Christ intended. I was very grateful to be able to visit this great Cathedral.

St. Patrick's Cathedral in Dublin, Ireland.

After the short trip to Ireland, it was off to Germany to visit family and see Berlin, Munich, and Weikersheim with Erik. While in Nuernberg I was also visited by my dear friends Lucy, Tyler, and their precious daughter Ashley. We toured the churches and ate delicious food. It was great to see good friends. What is also great is that Lucy is herself and comes from a family of strong Catholics. Her husband is also a convert and has a great zeal for the faith. He was very much a help in learning more about Catholicism. They continue to encourage me also. I am grateful to have them along for the journey. 2012 was certainly a year of finding, it was a blessing filled year.

2013 was the year of ambition. I had finally found myself... needing to be Catholic again, and it was now time to be ambitious. I went through the RCIA program at St. Columbkille led by Father Jamie and Deacon Paul. The members of Parma Lutheran were very loving toward me and my decision. I was fully initiated into the Catholic Church on Holy Saturday, and have been on fire ever since. Holy Saturday was the end to another great chapter in my life, and the beginning of a new one. I thank Angela my sponsor for being so inviting and encouraging. Thank you.

Once I was in, I began looking to the future. "What is God calling me to do, now that I am in His Church", I would ask. I was quickly drawn to the idea of Priesthood. The gifts identified by the senior ladies at church did not go away, the fire for ministry was still there. I began meeting with Father Jamie regularly for some time, and now meet with Father Sean. Both are great priests. I also talked with Father Kevin and Father Kalista. They also have great zeal and are awesome priests. I then was encouraged to contact the recruiter for the Diocese of Cleveland, the vocation director Father McCandless. I began meeting with him, and he also recognized that I was seeking something good and that something was there. I now am enrolled in Crossing the Threshold, the program for discerning men led by Father McCandless. I am absolutely loving life.

So why Catholic? I have rambled on long enough. I will answer this question in my next post, "From Lutheran to Catholic". May God bless all of you and thank you for reading. Credo Domine.